Most people don’t know that most of last year was a struggle for me (Lindsay). I did a good job of smiling in public and sharing the good things that were happening in our life and ministry while hiding the frustration and pain I felt. Some of my frustration stemmed from the abrupt change in lifestyle that I experienced once we moved into our cozy, but small apartment in Dollar Bay. I went from easily jumping on public transportation at a moment’s notice to rearranging schedules to share the car with Hans while working around nap time. I also spent less time with people that I did in Bolivia and winter was pretty rough for me, too.
But Hans and I didn’t realize that the disconnected feeling I felt was partially due to the fact that we didn’t talk much about Hans’ ministry life and that I wasn’t a part of it at all. My life changed from one of actively partnering with Hans in ministry to being at home and away from the action – and I was unsatisfied.
Slowly we started to realize that things weren’t working out and we began making changes. Hans started sharing more about work. We moved the short term Bolivia team meetings to our apartment so I could take part. I discipled a female student. But still I wasn’t satisfied.
Then we went to InterVarsity’s Orientation for New Staff (ONS). We got to attend as a family and were in a small group with other married couples. On the first night at ONS, I told Hans that I didn’t belong and shouldn’t have come. By the second night, God had shown me how much I longed to work alongside Hans – as an active partner – and all of the pain and frustration from the past year was let out.
I went to ONS feeling like I didn’t belong and I left ONS believing I am a staff worker like my husband and that God can use me on Michigan Tech’s campus.
And so this fall I am going back to work. I am volunteering part time with MTU’s undergraduate chapter focusing on discipleship of the female leaders and women’s ministry. Plus, we have been more involved in international ministry as a family, occasionally hosting them at our house.
I am excited to be more actively involved with what God is doing on campus this year and am thankful for the healing that God has been doing in my heart.